This week on “hold off, Is This a Date?” we’re accompanied by Autostraddle President and
L Keyword
expert
Riese Bernard
to discuss: The Chart. You got that right! This occurrence is focused on lesbian interconnectivity â connecting with buddies’ exes, friends hooking up with our exes, and society produced by everything crisis.
Come your gossip, stay the emotional control. And before that enjoy a casino game that exams Christina’s borders: Would U-Haul? (Spoiler alert: she usually wouldn’t normally.)
Many thanks for the good comments after our premiere! For those who haven’t yet start thinking about giving us a rating or examine!
SHOW RECORDS
+ Five years ago Riese make an
Old Hollywood data
this is the intersection of my interests.
+ Listed Here Is
the essay
I reference in which We mention starting up using my roommates.
+ My crush associated with few days Mj Rodriguez circulated a music movie on her behalf track
“one thing to Say”
!
+ As somebody who has merely observed a number of symptoms of
The Nanny
this montage
of Christina’s crush of the week C.C. Babcock ended up being surprising in my experience if it turned-out she and Niles are not both homosexual. (Christina tells me they basically nevertheless are.)
Drew:
I would personally be really okay along with it existing. I’d never ever include somebody else without their own permission. Although thought of each and every time someone had been like, “concur that you are connected with myself,” I would wind up as, “Yeah, oahu is the existence i have stayed. I really don’t worry about.” Is that weird? Would be that a problem?
Christina:
No, since if I wasn’t, I would feel terrible not-being. I’d resemble, “hold off, I’m not sleeping?”
Theme song plays
Drew:
Hi, I Am Drew.
Christina:
Hi, I Am Christina.
Drew:
And this is
Hold Off, Is This A Night Out Together?
Christina:
Wait, Is This A Night Out Together?
is an Autostraddle podcast asking the big questions. First, can it be a night out together? What exactly are dates? Who happen to be times? Do we like dates? They are form of questions we address with this here extremely specialist and lovely podcast.
Drew:
I am Drew Gregory. I am a writer at Autostraddle and a filmmaker and, notoriously, a trans lesbian.
Christina:
My name is Christina Tucker. I am additionally an author at Autostraddle. I’m a loud queer online. I will be recovering at explaining myself personally as a writer and, famously, a lesbian. That is all of us. Which is just who we have been.
Drew:
Yeah. And thus our very own main topic recently may be the Chart.
Christina:
I just believed it required a sting. I’m not sure. That felt truly remarkable, but i believe it required it.
Drew:
Yes. No, please, kindly, please. Thanks, thanks. No, no, no. The right amount of drama.
Christina:
Many thanks.
Drew:
Yeah. So we’re making reference to lesbian interconnectivity.
Christina:
I really like that term given that it appears like you ought to resume the lesbians. It sounds like web connection isn’t operating.
Drew:
Yes. It’s very advanced, really innovative, additionally has existed since there has been lesbians, i believe.
Christina:
Yeah. I believe students would state after they found the very first lesbian fossils, they discovered a data alongside ones carved into the mud. And I also think that’s exactly what that film means, proper? It is more about the data? That movie with Kate Winslet and the sand fossils?
Drew:
Ammonite?
Christina:
Yeah, that’s what it’s about.
Drew:
I wish
Ammonite
was about cave ladies. I would watch that lesbian film.
Christina:
Really, when I haven’t observed it, I’m going to bravely declare that it absolutely was. Cool.
Drew:
Yeah. Since it is like we’ve got countless lesbian duration parts, but we have now never ever gone right back that far. And I believe it’s the perfect time we do.
Christina:
Why don’t we just keep having it more back in time.
Drew:
Before we have to your primary topic, you are however learning all of us. And I also felt that it might be enjoyable to play a-game in which you dudes could actually get acquainted with Christina. Very our icebreaker because of this few days is a little online game that we call “Would U-Haul.”
Christina:
I am, once more, very stressed about any of it. This could just be the way I come to the video game. This might be my personal game mindset, a tiny bit high key, somewhat stressed. That is okay. We are all learning.
Drew:
I believe which is fantastic. I believe which will allow you to more susceptible, possibly.
Christina:
One of my favorite thoughts.
Drew:
Simply a terror, only an acute horror. So the method in which “Would U-Haul” really works is i’ll explain a scenario. Why don’t we refer to it as Christina lover fiction. And I also’m going to pause after every little part to get similar, “Okay, Christina, I know that you have never ever resided with somebody, do not want to accept someone. But under these situations, would U-Haul?”
Christina:
And I also will sometimes say yes or we’ll say, “i am all set.”
Drew:
Unless you â well, we’re going to see right here. But I’m excited. In my opinion i have possibly cracked the code.
Christina:
You cracked the rule? I’m thrilled.
Drew:
Why don’t we observe long this requires. And in case there is a constant perform, i believe you victory? I’m not sure just how you will find winners here.
Christina:
I am not sure that there exists winners inside the game of U-Hauling.
Drew:
Well, I don’t know should you decide’ll agree with that after this. Therefore I’m getting going.
Christina:
Fair sufficient.
Drew:
Okay. Very, Christina.
Christina:
Drew.
Drew:
You’re at your friend’s wedding. Regardless of the plethora of romcoms you have taken in, you probably did not check-out this wedding ceremony considering you’d satisfy anyone because, really, this is not a romcom. This is basically the genuine and regular longevity of Christina Grace Tucker. You adopt your own designated seat consequently they are glancing at your phone whenever you realize a female at your table is looking at you. She presents herself as the friend’s former babysitter. She is remained a pal of this family, but she does not truly know any person there. She appears to be mid-forties and it has a striking angular face. You set about talking. She proposes to produce a drink. So when she compares, you recognize she’s six feet tall, 6â² 3â³ in pumps. You know what? I’m only probably hold on there and start to become love, at this point, would U-Haul?
Christina:
I am intrigued. I am fascinated because i may get set only at that wedding ceremony. But so far I am not U-Hauling everywhere.
Drew:
Cool. That’s completely reasonable. Entirely fair. Okay. So you spend entire wedding ceremony learning each other. Absolutely just an instantaneous spark and quick chemistry. And certainly, you are doing connect while the sex is actually incredible.
Christina:
Tight.
Drew:
And therefore this wedding was at Northern Ca. Which means you both increase the remains for a few times to screw and check out and eat at restaurants and screw. And you also supply to separate the cost of the now joint room, but she laughs you down and it is like, “Obviously not, honey.” And so the then 3 days are miraculous. You really feel the wall space tumbling down. You are falling quicker than you actually have. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
Thus simply for understanding’s benefit, i am having a hard time imagining a world in which I took three surprise times away from work to spend time with a person i actually do perhaps not understand. That seems bonkers. But if used to do, great for me. But I’m not U-Hauling at this stage. It will be a no.
Drew:
Great. Okay. That’s okay. You only came across. I get it. I get it. Okay.
Christina:
Many thanks so much.
Drew:
So she returns to New York and also you return to Philadelphia.
Christina:
That’s where I reside.
Drew:
And you are texting everyday. That is where your home is and it’s really in which this woman resides. And you’re texting continuously while see both several times a month. She’s extremely active together task, but she’s fast to buy you a train pass to come see this lady and stay at the woman gorgeous brownstone in Fort Greene. And then 6 months go. Plus one night when you’re over to meal, she requires that relocate with her. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
And proceed to Ny? I do not really love New York. No, I am not relocating at the half a year level. I am not performing that, no.
Drew:
Okay, okay. Entirely, entirely, entirely. Wow. Okay. And that means you hold online dating cross country. She knows that you will need some time the woman is willing to expect you. Even more several months move. It really is today been over annually. Your own property owner tells you they are selling your place to a developer that is investing in condos, which means you can’t renew it. You need to get a hold of a brand new location. Your now sweetheart informs you that no force, but her offer nonetheless appears. Would U-Haul?
Christina:
Okay. At this stage, i’d U-Haul for two explanations.
Drew:
Yay! Fine. Please tell us.
Christina:
Mostly, in a world where my landlord sold the house to improve it, my property manager is my companion, making sure that may seem like anything moved wrong inside our relationship. And I might want to only keep Philadelphia anyhow. Of course I get to maneuver in using my sweetheart over right here, that seems okay. That’s great. Completely fine. But yeah, In my opinion i may require an external force like a mean landlord.
Drew:
That is therefore â fine. I did so genuinely believe that you’d should require housing in order to get here, and so I’m happy I knew that.
Christina:
Yeah. Which is just what actually has got to occur to me very first.
Drew:
Well, i am glad to know what it’s going to take. Thus in theory, if perhaps you weren’t knocked away, simply how much more hours?
Christina:
Frankly, that may went on for quite some time. Philly and ny commonly actually that not even close to each other. I got area over here. We’re moving back-and-forth. We are having fun. I could have let that roll for a long period until I guess Shoshana turns into the worst individual i am aware.
Drew:
I did not know Shoshana had your property. Really, there you choose to go.
Christina:
There we go. Wow, that was exciting.
Drew:
Well, many thanks for playing.
Christina:
I am pressured, become obvious.
Drew:
And I also’m happy that I’m sure⦠perhaps if you’re previously, therefore if anyone’s ever matchmaking both you and wants one move around in, possibly your own sweetheart told Shoshana to offer the home for the sake of your own commitment.
Christina:
Genuinely the quickest way â somebody would only have to communicate with Shoshana and be similar, “simply kick the girl out.” Immediately after which she’d end up like, “Yeah, positive. Needless to say.” That could be the way it took place, even though she don’t offer the home. Somebody would just be like, “is it possible to only kick the girl out very she’ll simply overcome it and relocate with me?” And she’d say yes. A hundred percent she would do this. That is what relationship is.
Drew:
Everyone loves that.
Christina:
Yeah, that is actually breathtaking.
Drew:
Really, I feel like we learned a large number about yourself.
Christina:
Thanks A Lot. Personally I think like We discovered plenty about my self, too. Threat of homelessness is really the matter that helps to keep me moving in any scenario, i assume. Wow.
Drew:
Well, which is great.
Christina:
Which was truly fascinating. I’m equally thrilled to move into all of our major section because I think speaking about lesbian connectivity because of this guest, with this special guest, i believe it’s going to be remarkable, Drew. How are you currently feeling?
Drew:
I am thus excited. This is a professional. By that, i am talking about an
L Term
expert, but in addition a little bit of a specialized during the topic in front of you.
Christina:
I do believe two things may be genuine, my good friend. I think a couple of things could be correct certainly. Will we wanna introduce the visitor or can we want our very own visitor introducing on their own?
Drew:
I would personally love our very own guest to introduce by herself.
Christina:
Guest.
Drew:
I’ll say that the guest is the one and only Riese Bernard.
Christina:
Guest, talk.
Riese:
Hi, I Am Riese. Which is odd becoming the visitor!
Christina:
Yeah, its.
Riese:
I got never to say something. I did not even take action. I did so say circumstances. I experienced to sit down here calmly.
Christina:
And also you had been truly courageous. As well as your confronts had been valued.
Riese:
Many thanks a great deal.
Christina:
Though this is obviously an audio method, Needs all of our audience to know that Riese had been generating some great effect confronts during “Would U-Haul.”
Riese:
Absolutely various ways become heard. Do you know what I mean? That’s what i state. I am the President of Autostraddle.com. And that I’m additionally on an undefeated kickball team. And that’s me. I have a puppy called Carol. And I have actually dated men and women.
Christina:
Congrats throughout the kickball!
Riese:
Thanks. I have been involved with individuals.
Christina:
Great. Adoring that. That is great to carry for this, this right here online dating podcast. Which is excellent.
Riese:
Yeah. In my opinion that⦠can there be whatever else?
Drew:
No, I think that is great, Riese.
Christina:
What you may need to discuss.
Riese:
I like raspberries, the fruit raspberries, and private pools.
Christina:
As opposed toâ¦
Riese:
You Are Aware when someone goes likeâ¦
Drew:
It really is like as soon as you hit. Yeah.
Christina:
Oh. Those tend to be terrible, therefore I just exhausted all of them from my personal mind.
Riese:
Yeah. And that is all.
Christina:
Great.
Drew:
Really, I straight away considered you with this topic.
Christina:
That is correct.
Drew:
Because firstly, obviously, queer ladies and non-binary people in lesbian area have now been like, I’m not sure, sex with individuals which their friends had sex with since a long time before
The L Keyword
was actually ever before a set. But i really do feel just like
The L Word
solidified a certain social notion of the information with Alice Pieszecki. I really felt like might have countless understanding of this topic.
Riese:
Its real. Two of the article writers, I want to state, of
The L Term
had this real information ones and their pals they were attracting from the wall structure or whatever. And Guinevere Turner, i do believe, ended up being one. She talked to all of us about this, they had developed this. Because clearly, everyone in that writer’s area had banged others inside the author â you know, additionally the extensive web of the generation of lesbians in L. A.. And they also saw that and they certainly were like, “Let’s place it within the tv show.” And some of these take the information. Like, some of the people whom ⦠like, real folks are throughout the data as a joke.
Christina:
That’s wonderful. That is how you know you’ve made it.
Riese:
Isn’t really that precious?
Christina:
That might be thrilling for me personally.
Riese:
And therefore when you yourself haven’t observed
The L Word,
firstly, congrats. Second of all, it gets the centerpiece of 1 of our direct character, Alice’s, apartment. This lady has it-all over the woman wall surface. And it also will be the name of a web page that they started called ourchart.com that flopped. And the idea ⦠and it’s really during the pilot, i believe. In very first occurrence, Alice begins speaing frankly about just how every person’s linked, because everyone’s hooked up with this individual. And I also can hook up you, like you’re most likely no more than two degrees from me personally. And this had been genuine. Like, despite Dana, who’d very restricted knowledge because she was actually a closeted golf user, they nevertheless were able to connect their. And that is real world since it is real.
Christina:
That is society. Yeah. That’s what culture appears to be.
Riese:
Which is society. That is queer culture right there. And from now on everybody can make their particular charts.
Christina:
Yeah. So as that was going to be my personal then concern, was have either people made a chart? Because I don’t imagine You will find, I am also method of today thinking like, that was this last year seated inside my residence for easily did not generate a chart? Like, that was the purpose of that, really?
Riese:
I think I’ve done it within my log, equally like ⦠Because i love, I’m not sure, planning info, i suppose, as a thought physical exercise.
Christina:
Yeah, i do believe which is additionally why i’m astonished that i’ven’t done it. I prefer the idea of categorizing things.
Riese:
Right. Yeah. Because it’s interesting. I don’t know precisely why it is so fascinating, but it’s. Its fascinating are love, wow, most of these folks, they are linked. Its wild.
Drew:
On tv show, when ourchart.com is actually developed, they’ve a genuine data that people can add things. And that I feel something that you joked when it comes to on
To L and Back,
nowadays individuals state constantly is much like, if this existed in an actual method, no body would place their particular brands onto it, no one would feel comfortable placing their labels onto it.
Riese:
You would.
Drew:
I’d. I might be really good with it present. I would never ever include someone else without their particular authorization. However the concept of like, every time someone ended up being like, “concur that you’re linked to me personally,” I would end up like, “Yeah, it is the existence i have lived. I really don’t mind.” Is strange? Is the fact that problematic?
Christina:
No, because if I found myselfn’t, I would personally feel bad not-being ⦠I would resemble, “hold off, I am not about it? Like, i’m very sorry, just what?” No, that could actually send myself into a light ethical anxiety about whom I am as people, everything I’m performing. Are we interesting? Carry out men and women {like
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